Poetry

I want to love.

Do you know that?

Do you all know that?

I want to love.

I want to scream it to the universe.

I want to live

I want to laugh

At first, it is boring

irritating

because I don't want to be there.

But quickly

as I enter the woods

the cool, damp springy air

tinted with the scent of ferns that lie on either side of the trail.

I wondered what the divine inspiration

Composers like Mozart and Bach and Beethoven

Created from.

I wondered what earthly thing

Could possibly possess them

To make music out of their hearts,

Souls,

I've grieved this relationship a million times, a million ways, yet it was always somehow easier because I knew you would come back. I knew how to play my cards so I could be assured that you were hooked as much as I am. 

What about the dreamers 

who stare up at the stars 

What about the dreamers 

whose hopes shimmer like sparklers in the night 

What about the dreamers 

Do you know it hurts to leave me here?

Bleeding, scarred, begging for someone to see,

And you won't shed a single tear—

Even though we've been through so much—for me. 

Didn't you know?

Dreams. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart. Ocean. Stand Out Fit In. Everywhere, Everything. Maine. Stand By You. This Is Me. I DO ME. this is me trying.  Small girl. You're Gonna Go Far. All My Love. Dear Reader. Golden Hour. ok with it.

I thought I had gotten better

Thought I had everything under control

I have everything under control

Right?

I thought they were gone

But they're right there

Sitting behind me

Breathing into my ear

A ton of songs -

Over fifty -

I love them all,

But fade so quickly.

My interest dies

By the tenth repetition,

And so I move on

To a cooler mission.

This beat, this soundtrack

On a loop.

Music turn-in day

Is tomorrow.

While really it's just

Placing the papers in piles

According to instrument and part

Trying to organize everything

And hoping nothing's wrinkled

for one more time 
i will sit in the same place 
as I have for so long 

for one more time
i will be the people 
i've grown to know 
love and hate

The party ends the dancing

begins

beautiful mutual

agreement that social-ness

is exhausting.

Bouncing spinning laughing

hair in high pony tails

we're models singers dancers