Very effective use of rhetoric here with the "fact: ..." Doesn't pull any punches. It's the best kind of rhetoric... the kind that strips away all sophistry, the kind that forces you to come into contact with reality.
I love this so much! "The sun burns me/ illumination" what a transendent and terrifying truth. You are so right ... that is what it is to be "almost, almost" human.
This is such a sweet poem that when looked at through a different lens can mean many ideas. My favorite line in this poem is "Arteries rich with sap" This plays wonderfully into your image of being an autumn tree very well. When I read this line I can very easily picture a heart inside of a tree that has been laced by the sticky sensation of sap. I like your choice of having "hangs off" in a different line and moved to the right, so that it seems like it is hanging off the poem. I enjoy your last lines as well "and I am almost, almost human." This is cool being at the beginning of the poem you talk about becoming a tree, making it seem like you are still partly human but at the end, it is like you are fully a tree that is developing into a human. This poem is very thoughtful and the meaning and the idea behind it with the way you presented the words is incredible and an inspiration.
From the first line of this poem, I was intrigued. "we are doomed to live a life of longing" is extremely relatable yet so complex; I think that is something that this poem shows throughout. Relating ourselves to a ship that will eventually fall to its demise matches the theme perfectly. I really enjoy this metaphor, I wonder how it would look if there were more hints to this metaphor or examples of how we are ships, sprinkled throughout the poem. I enjoy your word choice, using words that are often not found in poems; for example, the word fussed is a word that is not often thought of but can be used to represent many ideas.
"The Most Apples Are Just Out of Reach" is this week's featured visual art on vtdigger.org, up now in their Life & Culture section! Everyone can check it out now, here! vtdigger.org/2023/10/29/young-writers-project-without-apples
"Without Apples" is this week's featured poem on vtdigger.org, up now in their Life & Culture section! Everyone can check it out now, here! vtdigger.org/2023/10/29/young-writers-project-without-apples
Very effective use of rhetoric here with the "fact: ..." Doesn't pull any punches. It's the best kind of rhetoric... the kind that strips away all sophistry, the kind that forces you to come into contact with reality.
I love this so much! "The sun burns me/ illumination" what a transendent and terrifying truth. You are so right ... that is what it is to be "almost, almost" human.
So earnest --- just like the Neruda quote. Thank you for writing what we feel --- for leaving it raw.
This is such a sweet poem that when looked at through a different lens can mean many ideas. My favorite line in this poem is "Arteries rich with sap" This plays wonderfully into your image of being an autumn tree very well. When I read this line I can very easily picture a heart inside of a tree that has been laced by the sticky sensation of sap. I like your choice of having "hangs off" in a different line and moved to the right, so that it seems like it is hanging off the poem. I enjoy your last lines as well "and I am almost, almost human." This is cool being at the beginning of the poem you talk about becoming a tree, making it seem like you are still partly human but at the end, it is like you are fully a tree that is developing into a human. This poem is very thoughtful and the meaning and the idea behind it with the way you presented the words is incredible and an inspiration.
Wind. I always go back to wind.
From the first line of this poem, I was intrigued. "we are doomed to live a life of longing" is extremely relatable yet so complex; I think that is something that this poem shows throughout. Relating ourselves to a ship that will eventually fall to its demise matches the theme perfectly. I really enjoy this metaphor, I wonder how it would look if there were more hints to this metaphor or examples of how we are ships, sprinkled throughout the poem. I enjoy your word choice, using words that are often not found in poems; for example, the word fussed is a word that is not often thought of but can be used to represent many ideas.
This is the same person as the I love writing account
Thank you so much!
"The Most Apples Are Just Out of Reach" is this week's featured visual art on vtdigger.org, up now in their Life & Culture section! Everyone can check it out now, here! vtdigger.org/2023/10/29/young-writers-project-without-apples
"Without Apples" is this week's featured poem on vtdigger.org, up now in their Life & Culture section! Everyone can check it out now, here! vtdigger.org/2023/10/29/young-writers-project-without-apples