QueenBee

Some days I look through my folder

Flip through my books

Scroll through PDFs

And I just don't want to

Just don't feel like it

Just not in the mood

And suddenly I am terrified

Terrified

Sometimes I think

Of what my life would be without this

Without the conductor who changed my life

Without my duet partner who taught me how to perform

Without my instrument

Without the music

I should be being

A teenager

Walking around

Biking the village with friends

Creemees

Candy

Joking

Laughing

Teasing

Farmers markets

Confessions

Crushes

Running around

All the little things

Add up

Matter

A lot to me

Everything

We met you

For the first time in years

You

All three of you

Are in college

Have lives

Away from us

I wish I could be you.

Running to your room

Plugging your ears

Whenever there's a scary part of a movie

And coming back out in time

To see the happy ending -

Closing your eyes

Covering your face

This man

With a family who loves him

But can't help him

Because he needs to help himself first

This man

Drunk on hatred for himself

For this world

"Hopeless", they all say

With their eyes